Accordion Fun


What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.


What do you call an accordion player with a beeper?
An optimist.


What's the range of an accordion?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!



What is the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.


What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?
No-one cries when you chop up an accordion


What's the difference between and accordion and a concertina?
The accordion takes longer to burn.


What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.


This guy walks into an antique store and notices a brass rat sitting on one of the top shelves. He asks the clerk, "How much for that brass rat?". The clerk says "Well sir, it's 25 bucks just for the rat, and 50 bucks if you want to hear the story that goes with it. Take my word, you'll want to *hear* the story." The guy says "No, I believe I'll just take the rat for 25 bucks."

So, this fella takes his brass rat and heads down the street. Right away he notices that a *real* rat is following him, so he makes a quick turn down the next street. He passes an alley, at which point about a half-dozen rats come out and start following him. This guy is getting pretty panicked at this point, so he starts heading out toward the outskirts of town. When he passes the town dump, *hundreds* of rats stream out and follow him. Our hero is beside himself at this point, so as he passes the river that winds around town, he tosses the brass rat right in the drink. Every last one of the real rats follows the brass rat into the river and drowns.

Relieved, our protagonist heads back to the antique store where he got the brass rat. "I knew it!", says the clerk, "You're back to hear the story about the rat, aren't you?". "No sir", says the guy, "I just wanted to find out how much you're asking for that brass accordion I see you've got up there."


A man parks his car in a rough part of town with two accordions on the back seat, forgetting to lock the back door.

When he returns, there are three accordions.


What's the difference between a road-killed skunk and a road-killed accordian player?

The skid marks in front of the skunk.


And finally, to redress the balance...


How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.


Any other accordion jokes gratefully recieved, EMail us:

jeff@bayou.demon.co.uk

Thanks to Lincoln Christensen and Kim Fisher for some of the above jokes.


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